Our Theme..

I think it is fair to say that we are all at some point waiting for something. Waiting for an important piece of mail to come, waiting to hear from a particular someone. Waiting to hear if we got the job, Waiting for the birth of a child, Waiting for a life situation to change. Waiting to hear if an offer we put on a house has been accepted, waiting to hear if the bank approved our loan. Waiting....

Currently we are praying for a new job for Denny and for our adoption process to be over but there are stations of waiting along the way for both situations... many of them.

Waiting has been our theme song for quite some time now. There are some stations of waiting that are harder than others. Right now Denny is waiting on responses from Resumes he sent out for work, or phone calls to be returned, or waiting for Monday to come so he can make more contacts...waiting will then be for the interview date, then the results of the interview and if there will be another interview and the results of that interview and if there will be a job offer. It's a lot of waiting!

Then there is the waiting to hear that our kids dossier has gone for legalization and at the same time waiting for some of our documents in the states to be returned to us from being legalized by the Haitian Consulate in Chicago. It seemed like one of those "easy" waits, however, it has turned into an all consuming wait as I was told the documents were sent back to us. We have not received them back yet. This is one of the small, but some how big wait in the big picture of Adoption.

I know from prior experience of waits like this that my anxiety of a situation was short lived. We got what we needed and moved on to the next station of waiting but, when I am IN IT, it's all I can think about. I have to constantly remind myself that this too shall pass and that we will move on. It's hard, I won't lie. Because of the numerous ups and downs of our "wait" I have to really monitor my thoughts and know that I am acting appropriately. What I mean is I have to ask myself "is this something you have ANY control over at all? If so, what is the appropriate thing to do? If I don't have ANY control, I HAVE to let go and let God take it and deal with it. In any case I have to participate in the process and still remember that ultimately, He is still the one in control.

God is teaching me so much about myself through this "Waiting" mostly my attitude is 90% of the journey. How I walk through it is huge. God has used this to break my need to be in control. Its been a slow process but, I can honestly look back and see how I have changed. I'm not there yet, believe me, but I'm different than 3 years ago. I have peace (most of the time) God has shown me that if I rely on Him and don't go off the deep end and come unglued in my emotions, that IN HIM I have a voice. What I mean is when I take my concerns to him and seek His will He gives me wisdom and peace on how to move forward in ways that I never could have imagined, it can be powerful.
God has increased my faith in HIS ability to take care of the smallest detail, tremendously. My relationship with Jesus is so much deeper I depend on Him ALOT. I know that even though I have moment of "oh my gosh, our whole adoption is going to fall apart now!!" that even if our documents got lost and we have to start the process of 4 pieces of paper over? That it will be ok - the world will not end and our adoption will still move forward. There is a reason for everything! Of THAT I am convinced. God IS. And that has come to be enough for me to know while we wait...