I Will Praise You In This Storm...

Praise You In The Storm by Casting Crowns
I Love You Lord...

My friend Mashonda...

Wednesday afternoon, life changed....I found out that my friend Mashonda was found dead in her home. ... No this can not be possible. We just had a conversation 9 days ago. How could this be? She was only 35 years old!

We didn't find out the cause of death right away because it was considered a "suspicious death". I prayed that it would be found that she died of natural causes because I was so afraid I couldn't deal with the fact that anyone could hurt her...and honestly afraid I wouldn't be able to deal with God on this level of loss...

I found out Thursday night that it was a homicide... in fact, my dear friend was killed in her own home... I can't describe how I felt sitting on the couch with Denny and watching her mother talk on the news of this great loss...the sadness I felt was so deep and still...
I have to trust him and know that He is Sovereign and for the most part I can hold on to that, but on the other hand....I can't stop thinking why Mashonda Lord? Why? And as I sit here the news is on and I am now listening to them say that two people have been identified as her killer...
It is almost more than my heart can handle to hear them say that these two have been retained for the suffocation and strangulation of Mashonda....my heart races and the tears flow as I struggle NOT to think about what she went through and the very real fact that she is gone.

Mashonda was one of the most amazing women of God I have ever met. The scripture "a good name is better than fine perfume" came to mind the other day. Mashonda had a good name. A name that evoked a smile from anyone that knew her. She always smiled, no matter what was going on in her life...her joy came from the Lord, not her immediate circumstances. She had one of the biggest, kindest hearts a body can house. A hug that would squeeze the juice out of ya and a smile that was truly beautiful and genuine. I witnessed people that she met become friends almost immediately with her. My friends and family fell in love with her when they met her and she has been included in our family for many events. She had one of those personalities that made you feel that you were someone worthy of honor. She had an awesome sense of humor and timing.
Mashonda had an extraordinary ability to speak the truth in love. Not everyone can do that.
I had the opportunity to hear her teach one night, which really....was preaching. I've never stood up and sat down and yelled amen and clapped my hands and laughed and cried in ANY sermon as I did that night, along with a church full of other folks, listened to God's message thru Mashonda. Astonishing!
Not many people can read a chapter or two in the bible and have you sitting on the edge of your seat, but Mashonda had this amazing ability to read God's word in such a way that you wanted to hear more.
Mashonda was a loan officer for a mortgage company. She had some people that came in that she would help rebuild their credit so that in a year or so they would be able to buy a home or keep the one they had. Who does that? And she did it at no charge. She was a very generous person, who rarely put her needs before others...in fact I don't think sher really ever did.
My favorite times with her were when we would be working late together (which was often) and we would have those moments that we could have these deep conversations about the Lord.
Mashonda was a part of our missions and adoption. She was one of the people that wrote a reference for us in the adoption process. She sent beautiful dresses with us to Haiti for the pastors wives and shoes for the kids and older women.
Mashonda was always looking for ways to help. She drove to the east side of the state often to see her mama, who called just about everyday at work to talk to her. They had the most amazing relationship and she cared for her mother so well.
I will miss Mashonda....I know that she is with her Saviour and that heaven is now brighter than ever because of her presence there and with out a doubt will here "Well done, thy good and faithful servant" her treasure was never here on earth but in heaven as it should be and has always been... She no longer has the cares of this world. Her prayers will be missed, for she was a great prayer warrior... a great many peoples lives will be forever changed because of her presence and also because of her departure.
What an amazing legacy this young person has left at 35 years of old, she was as wise as any 90 year old I have ever met.

I'll miss you Miss Mashonda... and so will your men Denny and Talon....they sure loved you as you loved them.... I'll see you again someday and we will dance and sing Holy, Holy, Holy Lord, God Almighty! I love you...thank you for pouring into my life and allowing us to pour into yours.

Nothing New...

There isn't anything new to share. We just keep sending out paperwork believing that every piece of paper is bringing us closer to bringing Roudfaelle and Mackenson home...
We went to the neighbors last night for a neighborhood potluck and bonfire and as we walked over we saw about a dozen of the kids playing together, all ages, just having the greatest time. Talon is with his dad this week end so Denny and I were going over alone. I had this vision of walking with Roudfaelle and Mackenson and Talon, the 5 of us over to our neighbors home and what a wonderful sight we would be. I believe God gives me these little glimpses to keep me focused and full of hope.
I sometimes look in my rear view mirror in my car and can picture them sitting back there in there car seats or boosters....or sitting in the living room in the evening and imagining one of them trailing out with their blanket saying "mommie, I can't sleep"(it will be in Creole probably, but I think we'll know..)
I am blessed to know what that is like already with Talon. I have such amazing memories of sweet, tender, funny, timeless moments that are forever carved in my heart and mind and I look forward to and even sometimes feel anxious to experience the newness of these babies.
Denny has not experienced this yet and I am excited for him. I can't wait to see his face in those moments of parenting that only your kids can give you.
This is what keeps us moving forward...expectant joy!

He Knows My Name....Psalm 139

I hope you enjoy this video...we are singing it this week in choir and it makes me cry every time I sing it....



He loves you SO much...

Denny brought these home today and said....they reminded me of the kids...
"whimsical"... I have never heard my husband use this word, ever. Too funny.
But he's right, they are bright and happy and fun and filled the room with color.
I bet Roudfaelle and Mackenson would love a room with all of these colors.
More paperwork tonight, droopy eyes...it's all good!
Blessings to all of you

Failed to mention...

I didn't realize that I was just complaining with out sharing how much we do realize that this is so totally worth every moment. We want so much to get to the end of the paper trail and bring our kids home! Tammy you are right! Thank you for saying something.
Denny and I would do 3 times the amount over, if required...anything!! to get them home.
It IS totally worth it...
I liken it to having Talon... the labor was long, so, so long...I walked the halls of the hospital trying to get that boy out, but he wasn't comin! and the pain? Lord Jesus the pain, I dreaded every contraction that came...I decided to go natural...ha,ha,ha...oh my! But, when that Dr. told me I could push, I couldn't WAIT for the next contraction. Then Talon arrived and the joy totally superseded any of that and I would have done it again and again. Amazing.
So, these are the labor pains, and I know all of you adoptive parents have said this to me time and time again..."I'd TOTALLY do it again" and some of you have : )
your all crazy! that's why we love you!
ok, I really am going to bed now...

A Sea of Paperwork...

The amount of paperwork needed to process an adoption is I'm sure illegal in some countries....
Just when I think I have every document since birth, there is more needed...
ah-well...
It's ok. Plowing through, refusing to allow it to drown me. I have anchored myself to the dining room table, so I think I'm pretty safe.














Talon has gone to bed and Denny and I have divided to conquer what we can in an hour...
ha,ha,ha...we're so funny.
The cats are giving moral support or just available for de-stressing.
It is funny though. I remember the first time looking at the word "dossier" and panicking because I had NO IDEA what that was or how to even say it, I think it's french?. Now I'm just used to feeling ignorant and taking one document at a time...we still have so much more to get together. I know you that you veterans are laughing at me right now and shaking your head...
"she thinks she knows whats going on, isn't that cute" I know, I know...
I'm just trying to trick the paperwork into thinking I know what I'm doing, that way it will just fall into place without a hitch.
I'm tired. I've been up since 5:00 and it's only 10:15 (she says while yawning) but I have so much to do!! (yawning again)
ok, one more document to look at and I'm going to bed...really, I am!
Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow...